ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
