people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
