That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
