So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
