He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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