I heard we made out
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
