apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
