I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
