8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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