..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
