3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
