Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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