So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
