hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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