The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
