drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
