Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
