ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
