I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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