just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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