Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
