wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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