Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
