I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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