I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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