Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
