well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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