To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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