how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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