you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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