just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
