im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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