tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
