Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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