Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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