walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
