Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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