there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
