Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
