all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
