I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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