She went from zero to smokin in five shots
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
