WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
