i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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