Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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