I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
