tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
