Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
