I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i came on her dog
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
