The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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