Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
