I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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