So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
