you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
