I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
