Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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