Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
