You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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